Spanish Fiestas

Fiestas 1 Futbol 0

*EFW Government health warning - this article is NOT about football*

Dear Lord, forgive me! At this juncture the plan was to bring an article about UB Conquense v CD Leganes to the table. However, for the first part of my time in Spain last week, I confess to neglecting football duties in favour of partying in the form of a fiesta or two. Please file complaints to the usual address. So what, I hear you ask (oh really? - Ed) is the fuss all about!? Well, here are 10 things that in my experience will occur during a Spanish fiesta:

UNO: There will undoubtedly be a bit of tomfoolery/cruelty to some bulls and/or a horse. Most elderly Spaniards will tell you: 'You can't beat a bit of bully'.

DOS: You'll spend three days celebrating a Saint that nobody cares less about.

TRES: There will be thousands of people in different coloured t-shirts denoting which peña (club) they belong to. Don't worry, it's not too tribal and there is no violence.

Fun and games in Cuenca, Castilla-La Mancha.

CUATRO: The music will consist of 1x Green Day covers band (or similar) and some traditional stuff you can practice your 'Pasodoble' to. Everyone in Spain knows how to dance properly. If you're not able to swing a fast shoe in time to the music, apply alcohol and by 5am - in your own mind - you will be 1x Fred Astaire.

CINCO: Enjoy getting chased down the street by one or more of the following; a bull, people throwing tomatoes, some cheese, angry man demanding return of sombrero.

SEIS: Nothing will start on time and everything will appear a little chaotic. Actually, this applies to almost everything in Spain.

Every nook and cranny taken.

SIETE: Be prepared to kiss 135 girls (on both cheeks) and shake 135 men by the hand (not as much fun).

OCHO: There will lots of quality food on offer couple with as much strong alcohol as your body can cope with x2.

NUEVE: If you can still see around 3am, there will be an interval in between the headline acts set in which a game of bingo takes place. The locals take this v. seriously.

On your toes...here come the bulls.

DIEZ: Men, women, children, babies, cats and dogs will each smoke 120 cigarettes.

Fancy one for the road!? (go on treat yourself - Ed). A little game you play: If you find a public toilet, award your good self with 3 stars. And, if you find one with a working hand drier then award yourself with the full 5 (five) stars and 1x smug/contented grin.

So there you jolly well go, you'll go to bed around 6am and awake having had one of the best days/nights/mornings of your life. ¿Que mas puedes pedir?

What about fatties leg!?

Olé

Plop

Hark now hear the bull sing....

Bully bully.

Where do we sign!?

Next up on these pages, let the colour return to our cheeks as we return to football with an article about Athletic Bilbao and match reports at Portugalete and Barakaldo. Phew!

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Glorious Goodwood

As much as I love doing the English non-league stuff, this site isn't called 'European Football Weekends' for nothing. As such, I'm off to Spain for 10 (ten) days from today. Hopefully I will return home with tales of mirth and hilarity from far flung places and teams such as UB Conquense, Barakaldo CF, SD Eibar and maybe some on the pitch antics at Athletic Bilbao.

So, if you were thinking of breaking into EFW HQ and stealing some of our awards then now is probably a good time to do it. Talking of awards (nice - Ed), I had the very good fortune to pick one up this week. EFW scooped top prize in the much coveted Glynde House 2009/10 blog awards.

An award! Yeees! Crowbar in a 'Glorious Goodwood' headline lad.

Now you are probably thinking to yourselves: Where did you get that big wood Mr Last!? Well, after further investigation, I can reveal that it was designed by a chap called Peter Szita from Pyrography Design. Yes, yes - but does he have a website I hear you cry!? Try logging onto www.pyrographydesign.com and have a Terry Butchers for yourself. Evidently, there is nothing that chap can't burn into a piece of wood.

Soooo, there will be nothing on these pages for a few days as I head off firstly to Madrid, then onto Castilla La Mancha before ending up in the Basque Country for 5 (five) days.

If you're bored you can head to our EFW FACEBOOK SITE where there is always stuff going on and if you get really bored then you can keep a check on our Twitter feed by logging onto these pages and scrolling down to the bottom right hand side of the menu. I'll try and keep that updated throughout the trip but only if I'm not sweating like a Bishop due the heat.

Until then 'see thee later' or as they say in Spain 'Hasta Pronto'!

Don't look back in anger.....

Bromley 3-0 Lewes (31:08:09)

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Fancy a trip to Hayes Lane to see EFW faves The Rooks take on the Lillywhites of Bromley anyone!? Not arf....where do we sign!? Given the fact this virtually constituted a Summer holiday, everyone was up for this one: The Fuller family, Daggers, Cynical, Big Deaks, Fenners to name but a few. EFW awaydays with Lewes are blossoming.

One again - in the interests of helping non league clubs survive - we were first to arrive in the bar at the ground. So early in fact that Bill and Ben the Bromers stewards outside the ground didn't think that the bar was even open, we knew better though. Pint please Betty love.

It was worth the early arrival time (three hours before kick off just to be sure). The Bromley social club is an example of what can be achieved with a little bit of investment. As you walk in it reminds you of Wembley Stadium (excuse me - Ed). No it really does. For a kick off they have huge pictures hanging all over the shop commemorating such past glories as Bromley's London Senior Cup win over Ford United.

Bromley FCTV anyone!? I kid you not. They've even got their own tv station! We sat and watched highlights of their previous two matches away to Chelmsford and at home to Dorchester. Sadly, it's only available in the ground itself. You can't subscribe to it otherwise we'd have signed up for it there and then. Better than ITV and no mistake. As if all this wasn't enough and just to top it all they even had Bromley FC mirrors up behind the bar! In fact - reflecting on it now - I think we could have probably stayed there a few nights and not have been bored.

Bromley FC mirrors behind the bar. You simply couldn't make it up.

That London Senior cup win over Ford United.

The view from the bar. Nae bad pal.

You will like this - in the bar we met Roger the Lewes groundsman. After a few beers, we agreed in principle to burn a huge 'LEWES FC' using petrol (don't try this at home, Rog is an expert) along the famous grass bank that runs along side the pitch at the Dripping Pan. It's going to look great. Lewes FC are going to be the envy of the footballing world with this original feature. Good old life.

What else? Oh the match. Well, Lewes held their own for a while but to be honest it was too hot for any meaningful footy action. Bromers scored with a neat volley from a corner and then in second half they were pretty much the better side. Their third goal was an absolute beauty in fairness. Dalhouse got hold of the ball and smashed into the top corner from about twenty-five yards. Show off.

Old skool terracing. Mmm.....

Old skool benches. Mmmm......

Non League WAGS. Oh dear!

To make matters worse, EFW legend Sam Crabb limped off after being savaged by one of their chaps and who should replace him from the bench but The Ball is Round's very own Ryan 'Arnie' Storrie. For the uninitiated, Crabby and Arnie are embroiled in a competition for which points are awarded for goals, assists etc etc Crabby bats for us and Arnie racks up points for The Ball is Round website.

I don't want to go all football phone in on you - I hate them, aside from the splendid Danny Baker of course but the referee had a stinker. He was one of those fussy, nit-wit whistle happy types. Any excuse to stop the game. He and other referees like him are exactly the reason I stopped paying twenty five notes to watch Championship football a few years back. I didn't come to watch you Mr P Harris you nincompoop.

David Wheeler up to his old tricks.

Mental note to self - must look up John Fiorini on Wikipedia.

Anyway, it was all smiles after the game back in the best clubhouse in the world. This could have been the last match in the history of Lewes FC. They are due in court tomorrow to argue against being wound up as club by the HMRC over an outstanding tax bill of £110,000. Happily, I think we'll be ok. The thought of the Rooks going out of business is unthinkable. I think the fact that Rog and I are going to burn a huge LEWES FC into the grass bank at the ground should just about convince the judge that the club are worth persevering with don't you!?

After a few more beers it was time for some fun. Being let loose in a football ground after you've sunk a couple is just brilliant. As such, Cynical decided that Big Deaks should try and save a penalty with the EFW logo in the goalmouth whilst Mr Fuller ran behind the goal arms aloft. We really should know better but what the heck, we were on our Summer holidays. In a few weeks time, Lewes are away to Weston-super-Mare. I think it's going to be the best day of our lives. See you there!

Cynical in front of the Cray Wanderers portakabin. They share the ground fact fans.

Nice gates as well, is there anything they don't get right at Bromley!?

Big Deaks erm...saving a penalty with the EFW logo while the crowd (Mr Fuller) go mad.

We finished the day back at HQ. Happy days!

CLICK ME for more photos from the day.

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