Dave Lamb is fantastic. I used to roll my eyes and lower my bottom lip when my wife would flick over to Come Dine With Me after the football on a Sunday. And then I actually watched it and had to stop myself from giggling at the chap doing the witty and sarcastic voice-over. That chap is of course Dave Lamb, and he's fantastic.
Lamb has more strings to his bow than CDWM. He's appeared on a plethora of television and radio programmes and is, as you might expect, a comedy genius. He is also a regular on the terraces of the Dripping Pan, Lewes FC - and that is all the excuse we needed to get him onto the pages of European Football Weekends.
How come you've ended up supporting The Mighty Rooks? As a life-long Manchester United fan born and raised in the south east, I've taken a fair amount of stick over the years. It's got to me if I'm honest. I now agree completely that it's vital to support your local team. So whilst I won't be giving up United - you can't just give up your allegiance even if you suspect it may be wrong on many levels, I made a decision in good faith as a six year old and I'll stand by that - my passion has been localised. When I had this revelation I was living in Dorset so became a Weymouth season ticket holder for two years. As a Weymouth fan I developed a taste for relegation battles, financial difficulties and defeat. So when I moved to Brighton just over two years ago The Rooks and me were clearly going to be a perfect match. Also my good friend and ex-writing partner Ben Ward is one of the directors and he made me come.
The Dripping Pan is a majestic place to spend an afternoon watching football no? The Dripping Pan is simply the finest place I've ever watched football. I am an absolute bugger for a pint of Harveys, and to be able to sup a pint whilst breathing in the air and taking in the South Downs is spectacular. Sometimes I get so caught up in the experience that I forget there's a game on - but not for long.
Are you fully supportive of the new board and its 'Community Club' ethics? Very much so. I think what they are doing is beyond reproach. Their determination to ensure that the club survives first and foremost and then finds a natural level for itself is admirable and wonderful. Theirs is not an ego thing, it's a love thing.
You've been working with Alistair McGowan recently which must have been a giggle? Yes I have. "Sports Mash" on ITV4 hopefully soon to be repeated on ITV1. I've worked with Alastair many times over the years and it's always an absolute pleasure. It's like being at your own private gig. He is so bloody good at voices I spend most of the time watching and trying not to laugh on mic. His David Vine in this latest series we've been doing is sublime.
We interviewed Kevin Day on these pages not too long ago. He's someone else you've been working with right? Yeah, Kevin's one of the A-list writers on the series. I don't think an ITV 4 series has ever had such a talented writing squad. Basically it's the "Have I Got News For You" team doing it for peanuts because they love sport and love the idea.
Talking of Kevin Day, he just called to ask if you remember the Neville Brothers sketches you did on his radio show and how they portrayed Sir Alex? I do. Me and Lewes director Ben Ward wrote and performed a whole bunch of them in which we played Gary and Philip as a couple of tiny children with very squeaky voices (they were young at the time). And I fully realise why Kev is asking about Sir Alex Ferguson because we wrote him as Father Christmas and he was played by Kev. Interestingly Eric Cantona was portrayed as the French policeman from "'allo 'allo". Ben reminds me that we once had him uttering the immortal line: "I hot the woodwork with one of my shits". THAT, is comedy.
You've been sprinkling Come Dine With Me with your magic for the thick end of a decade now. Is that something you still love doing? It's all right.
What is your signature dish? Anything with Lamb in it is literally my signature dish.
Do you ever commentate on the Lewes games in your head in the same bitingly sarcastic manner as on CDWM? No. Because Lewes are brilliant, unlike most of the people on CDWM.
I'm glad I don't have to edit that show, there must be hours of footage to try and squeeze into such a short space of time? Absolutely. The CDWM crew has to be one of the hardest working in British television. Every half hour show is something like 23 minutes of actual air time and has to be cut down from about 75 hours of footage.
Right, be prepared to roll your eyes at this next question: who would be your dream four guests at a CDWM dinner party? Henry the eighth, Gillian Mackeith, Wayne Rooney and SuBo.
Have you ever tried your hand at stand-up comedy? I used to be in a double act with the excellent stand-up Gordon Southern (we got to the final of "So You Think You're Funny" at the Edinburgh festival in 1993), and I've compered a few times, but I've never really had anything I want to say. I think you should have something to say as a Stand-up, I saw Bill Hicks live, in a tent in 1993 and thought, "right, I'll give up then".
You've got a huge amount of followers on Twitter. Does that eat up much of your time? I spend a ludicrous amount of time worrying about what to put on twitter. So much so that I end up paralysed by the worry and hardly post anything, ever.
Who else would you like to see interviewed here on EFW? Former Eurotrash presenter Antoine de Caunes.
Heh, well consider that done. And finally, Christmas is fast approaching - anything you'd like to plug? Not really. Oh, I'm in "Rock and Chips" over Christmas, the "Fools and Horses" prequel with Nicholas Lyndhurst. A tenner for anyone who can spot me. (Not really. No prizes will be given, I want to make that absolutely clear).
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