Saturday, 7 February 2009

Rain, sleet and snow!? Pah! It's on with the show

Lewes 0-2 Wrexham (07:02:09)

We've been all over promoting football at grass roots level lately. Where to!? Merstham, Dartford, Oxford and Havant and Waterlooville. It's our little campaign to keep football real. We're sticking two fingers up to the Premiership with it's money, money, money for nothing and their chicks for free. As we'll keep saying until we are Egyptian blue in the face; we're 'Against Mod£rn football' here at European Football Weekends.

So it was back to our new spiritual home on Saturday to see our favourites Lewes FC take on the mighty Wrexham - not before we've had a few pints mind. Cynical Dave and I took up our regular seat at the bar of the Kings Head just around the corner from the ground. We had company as well, lots of it. Two coach loads of Wrexham fans had a thirst to quench after setting off from North Wales at 07:30am and so we chatted merrily to them before heading to the home of football.

We seem to be a magnet for A-list celebrities these days. Frank Sidebottom has joined our Facebook group (fantastic) and upon our arrival at The Dripping Pan we bumped into the politically sound, British socialist, author, columnist, questionable football team supporting funnyman Mark Steel. Turns out he's a nice chap. Evidently he was there making a programme about Lewes (the town not the team).

I've had to add an element of sepia to this photo as I didn't want to offend anyone with Mr Steels choice of neck wear. Five FIFA stars to the Steelmeister for proudly holding the EFW logo though.

As if that wasn't enough, next up came a meeting with Wrexham boss and assistant Welsh manager Dean Saunders. Dean made 75 (75!) caps for Wales and played for all the greats; Liverpool, Aston Villa, Benfica, Galatasaray and Brighton amongst others. Would he be to big a celeb to turn down the chance of a glamour appearance on these pages!? Of course not:

Sombreros off to Dean 'top man' Saunders.

The match was typical of The Rooks season. Lewes battled liked caged tigers for 90 minutes with little or no return. They are simply unlucky week in and furthermore week out. What chance did they have of beating Robins keeper Gavin Ward when on a perishing cold day he opted to wear short (short!) sleeves. Cynical once again became clinical in suggesting that the short sleeve goalkeeping trend was started by Sunderland shot-stopper Lionel Perez circa 1996/97.

Cuddles o'clock at The Dripping Pan.

Lewes starlet David Wheeler weaved some magic as did our man of the match Kieron St Aimee but ultimately it was Wrexham who collected the points (three). In the 64th minute Jon Brown popped in a corner which Marc Williams decided to nod into the net. Then seven minutes from time Lewes Defender Sam Fisk dithered/fannied around/faffed for a bit whilst Wrexham sub Wes Baynes removed him of the ball, did a few tricks and smashed the ball home ala Roy Race. 0-2. I'm afraid Sam was like a Fisk out of water.

One for the Ken Loach fans amongst us.

A bit of the old action.

A bit more action man. Note the short sleeve wearing Iron man Gavin Ward.

The Wrexham fans.

The Lewes faithful.

Flag action.

As if to rub salt into our wounds, Wrexham then did something that was a little unsporting. They brought on a Cameroon International (International!) off the bench. Patrick Suffo has played in the World Cup for Christ sake. Unfair sides or what!? How the other half live.

We'd been joined at this stage by ex-Manchester United fan and all round good egg Robin. Robin had ignored the recent criticism of the catering down The Pan and opted to purchase a cottage pie. His findings were nothing short of astonishing. The pie contained herbs and a bit of spice (spice!) and was immediately awarded the coveted Five FIFA stars. We'll be saying aye to a Lewes pie in future.

Our day ended like all good domestic days out should by topping up the profits of our EFW HQ - The Lord Nelson public house in Brighton. The game had been in doubt all week due to a combination of rain, sleet and snow. There we discussed our newest EFW invention which at this stage is only in it's embryonic form. Our new bit of kit is called the 'EFW postponedometer'. If you find yourself en route to a match which has fallen foul of the weather, this is where our new invention steps in. You punch in your location to our machine which then tells you the ten matches that are taking place nearest to you. That my friends is where we will be making our first million - which we will be distributing out the poor, needy, a few pints of Harvey's and a battery for the Lewes FC scoreboard. I thank you.

Lewes FC scoreboard. Anyone know where we can purchase a battery!?

This is how the pitch looked just four days prior to the game.

EFW Headquarters.


Anonymous said...

Nice picture of my flag Mr. Last, poor result for the rooks again but all the time Kevin Keehan is in charge cannot see anything changing.

See you again soon.

Anonymous said...


I'm something of a travel enthusiast but dislike football and beer. Can you recommend 10 other alternative activities for an excursion to Havant , or for that matter Waterlooville , on a January Monday evening?

Yours in hope,
Phil E S Fogg

Anonymous said...

Fair play to Deano Saunders.

Anonymous said...

To Phil E S Fogg;
I fear that there be no other activity worthy of your taking a detour during your 80 day sojourn!

I say trust me on this; after numerous visits to both places, one tends to use the second item you mention in order to blur the dissatisfaction with the first!

Lewes, however, an entirely different matter sir!

Colonel Hawk;
Westleigh Park resident.