Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Spanish Fiestas

Fiestas 1 Futbol 0

*EFW Government health warning - this article is NOT about football*

Dear Lord, forgive me! At this juncture the plan was to bring an article about UB Conquense v CD Leganes to the table. However, for the first part of my time in Spain last week, I confess to neglecting football duties in favour of partying in the form of a fiesta or two. Please file complaints to the usual address. So what, I hear you ask (oh really? - Ed) is the fuss all about!? Well, here are 10 things that in my experience will occur during a Spanish fiesta:

UNO: There will undoubtedly be a bit of tomfoolery/cruelty to some bulls and/or a horse. Most elderly Spaniards will tell you: 'You can't beat a bit of bully'.

DOS: You'll spend three days celebrating a Saint that nobody cares less about.

TRES: There will be thousands of people in different coloured t-shirts denoting which peña (club) they belong to. Don't worry, it's not too tribal and there is no violence.

Fun and games in Cuenca, Castilla-La Mancha.

CUATRO: The music will consist of 1x Green Day covers band (or similar) and some traditional stuff you can practice your 'Pasodoble' to. Everyone in Spain knows how to dance properly. If you're not able to swing a fast shoe in time to the music, apply alcohol and by 5am - in your own mind - you will be 1x Fred Astaire.

CINCO: Enjoy getting chased down the street by one or more of the following; a bull, people throwing tomatoes, some cheese, angry man demanding return of sombrero.

SEIS: Nothing will start on time and everything will appear a little chaotic. Actually, this applies to almost everything in Spain.

Every nook and cranny taken.

SIETE: Be prepared to kiss 135 girls (on both cheeks) and shake 135 men by the hand (not as much fun).

OCHO: There will lots of quality food on offer couple with as much strong alcohol as your body can cope with x2.

NUEVE: If you can still see around 3am, there will be an interval in between the headline acts set in which a game of bingo takes place. The locals take this v. seriously.

On your toes...here come the bulls.

DIEZ: Men, women, children, babies, cats and dogs will each smoke 120 cigarettes.

Fancy one for the road!? (go on treat yourself - Ed). A little game you play: If you find a public toilet, award your good self with 3 stars. And, if you find one with a working hand drier then award yourself with the full 5 (five) stars and 1x smug/contented grin.

So there you jolly well go, you'll go to bed around 6am and awake having had one of the best days/nights/mornings of your life. ¿Que mas puedes pedir?

What about fatties leg!?

Olé

Plop

Hark now hear the bull sing....

Bully bully.

Where do we sign!?

Next up on these pages, let the colour return to our cheeks as we return to football with an article about Athletic Bilbao and match reports at Portugalete and Barakaldo. Phew!

- feel free to add a comment below -

3 comments:

EddiePanic said...

Excellent report. You had me in stitches with your commentary. I'm going to post this on my FB page so more can enjoy.

Gracias

Danny Last said...

Thanks very much Mr Panic! Pleased to have been of (public) service.

Colectivo Gualdinegro said...

Pleased to meet you. from Barakaldo C.F