Darts send Stones rolling

Dartford 1-0 Maidstone (31:01:09)

What better way to notch up my 180th ground than at Princes Park, home to The Darts of Dartford FC. One huuuundred and eiiiighty. I had planned on bringing you an EFW exclusive by continuing the darts theme and interviewing former World darts champion: Andy 'The Viking' Fordham who now runs a pub in the area. However, his wife Jenny informed me a few days prior to our meeting that Andy (ironically) would not be able to make it as he was away on an EFW of his own - watching Glasgow Rangers.

Dartford and Maidstone have some history. This is a story that needs telling. If your easily bored then feel free to move on a few paragraphs. During the 90's Dartford needed to upgrade their Watling Street ground. Around the same time Maidstone United had a) Sold their ground b) needed a home to move into c) Had gained entry into the football league and so d) Moved in with Dartford.

This is where it all went badly wrong. Maidstone went into liquidation - having blown all their cash on trying to get into the league. The ground improvements which they had paid for were sold to Dartford for around £500,000 which in turn knackered The Darts, who couldn't really afford it. As a result they sold the ground altogether to pay off the creditors. A shambles.

As usual, the supporters came to the rescue. 400 of them saved the club. Since those days they've ground-shared with Erith and Belvedere, Purfleet and Gravesend and Northfleet before moving into their new home 'Princes Park' on November 11th 2006.

Evidently the villain of this whole sorry story was Jim Thompson. He passed away a couple of weeks prior to this match. I'm not sure it would have been wise for him to attend anyway. Although a few fans still hold grudges, most have chosen to move on from it all now.

If I'm not abroad watching my football, these days you'll find me at home getting my domestic kicks from non-league football. It really is the perfect antidote to those of us who are 'Against Mod£rn Football'. At non-league games, you'll find lots of fans who have turned their backs on Premiership football. We still love our football, we just don't want to pay £50.50p to watch it thanks very much Chelsea.

Cynical Dave and I stepped off the train at Dartford and straight into rock and roll history. It was here 40 years earlier that the Glimmer Twins 'Mick Jagger and Keith Richards' were re-united and went on to form The Rolling Stones. You may have heard of them!? We walked the mile or so to the ground to see if we could get some 'satisfaction' of our own.

First impressions upon our arrival were very positive. It's easy to see why this stadium has won hatfuls of awards. It's ecologically sound, it's got a grass (grass!) roof all the way around, it's got solar panels, it's totally sustainable and it creates it's own electricity. Some argue it's the best ground in the country. I agree.


Once at the ground, Cynical and I were met by Chairman Dave Skinner. Handshakes were exchanged and we were shown around the ground by a number of friendly chaps. It was then time to say hello to Mr Beer. There are two large bars at the ground. On the walls comedy quotes from the world of football are relayed such this one from Ian Rush "I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country".

Cynical and I chatted merrily with stadium announcers, programme editors, leaders of the local council and members of the Dartford FC Forum; The Duke, Eagle (also the club photographer), Trev B and lots of other chaps. Stoke v Man City was being shown on the big screens but happily nobody was watching. Nobody cares.

The company and the friendliness was such that before we knew it, we'd sunk six pre-match pints - whoops! Inside the ground the atmosphere was splendid. Maidstone had brought around 500 fans with them and the Darford boys behind the goal were making plenty of noise. Happily, you could walk all around the ground at your leisure. Both sets of fans swapped ends during half time - call me an old romantic but I love that tradition.

Darts keeper Andrew Young in action. 15 foot wooden man in crowd is impressed.

The game itself was great. End to end and of a very high standard. It was settled in the 63th minute by Darts number 9 Rob Haworth. He took advantage of the Stones defenders and keeper fannying and faffing around and smashed the ball into the roof of the net.

Haw about that! Rob Haworth smashes the ball into the roof of the net.

During half time, Cynical and I found a little treasure chest inside the ground. It was a small shop selling all sorts of footballing goodies. Cynical clocked his mince pies on a load of Rothmans non-league yearbooks. They were 50p each so he extended his arm out and swept the whole lot off the shelves and into a bag. He is already the most knowledgeable man in Europe regarding football stats. Lord knows what he's going to be like once his digested all that further information.

What else have I forgotten!? *checks non existent notes* oh yes, Monkey Alan. Whilst we were chatting away in the bar, the subject of Monkey Alan arose. He was a tramp who lived (lived!) under the stand of Dartford's old Watling Street ground. Monkey Al was allowed to live there by the club and attended all of their matches home and away. Sadly, he passed away about 25 years ago but I would love to have met him. He sounded like a right character. Cheers Monkey Alan!

So full marks and five FIFA stars to Dartford FC then. They've taken a leaf out of the German book of how to do football properly. They are a great club, with a fantastic stadium and friendly fans. There was no frenzy of affectionate punching, no toe to toe fighting with the Maidstone fans - just banter and plenty of it. Football as it should be. Sombreros off to everybody.

On the way back to the station afterwards. Cynical and I accidentally found ourselves in another pub. As if life couldn't get any better the pub was great. It was called the Malt Shovel. It's the sort of pub you dream of having as your local. After a few pints we made our way back to EFW headquarters in Brighton and pondered our next move. Oxford v Lewes the very next day!? I think so don't you.

Cynical ticks every single non league stereotype box in one foul swoop.

God help us all.

A first for the country. A Conservative Council that has done something useful.

A winning combination.

Coming soon....

Sing your darts out for the lads

Next weekend promises to be one to remember and no mistake. Cynical Dave and I are continuing our support of football at grass roots level as frankly (Mr Shankly) the pair of us are sick and bored of the Premier League. The revolution starts here.

On Saturday we pay a visit to the finest stadium in non league football to witness our first ever Kent local derby. We're off to the ecologically sound (!) Princes Park for the Dartford v Maidstone grudge match in the Isthmian League Premier Division.

Genuine excitement surrounds this fixture and as if it couldn't get any more rip-roaring, we've been promised a KARAOKE NIGHT in the main bar after the match. Cynical Dave is threatening to pull out his karaoke signature dish for the evening. If you are within a few hundred miles of Dartford - I think you know what to do - see you there.

I'm not sure who writes my scripts but this match marks my 180th ground visited. You couldn't make it up. Seeing a team nicknamed The Darts at your one huuuuundred and eiiiiightieth stadium. Fantastic.

On Sunday we will be joined by EFW regular Big Deaks and occasional attendee Greeno for the trip to Oxford. In the EFW office we refer to these days as D.D.O's (Domestic Days Out). For this one we'll be seeing our favourite calamity club 'Lewes FC'. We just can't get enough of them. The match will take place at Oxford's Kassam Stadium which (fact fans) is currently a three sided ground. Can you name any others!? Answers on a postcard to the usual address please.

In other news - look out for an imminent EFW press release later on this week. This may well occur on our sister site over on Facebook (feel free to join).

For those of you who prefer me to be writing about our European Football Weekends (nice name for an award winning blog that -Ed) - fear not - in just two weeks time we're heading off to French France for a weekend of fun and frolics over there. St Etienne, Bordeaux, Grenoble Foot 38, PSG.....bring 'em all on. Exciting times eh!?

Even Gordon Brown can't save this Bank Darling

Havant and Waterlooville 4-3 Lewes (19:01:09)

I usually work on Monday nights. However, you must be completely mad if you think I'm going to work when there is an FA Trophy 2nd round reply at Westleigh Park, Havant to attend. The original tie finished 3-3 and was a thrill a minute. Cynical Dave, Big Deaks and I had a heavy bout of FA Trophy fever. We weren't going to miss this for the world.

It was a day full of tension. Heavy rain meant it was touch and go as to whether the game would go ahead. On the train down (and across) from Gatwick, I sat daydreaming about those infamous muddy pitches at Derby County's Baseball Ground. It never did them any harm and there wasn't a blade of grass on that pitch at times. A nervous phone call to the club ensued. They confirmed the game was to go ahead. This was close to being the best news I'd heard in 25 years.

Cynical, Big Deaks and I met up at Havant station and then with a spring very much in our steps, we headed straight to the clubhouse at the stadium. It wasn't long before we were drinking with the rich and famous. Havant and Waterlooville manager Charlie Oatway was behind the bar and in front of it was former World Cup referee Paul Durkin (from Portland, Dorset). He now works as a referee's assessor which last time I thought about it is the easiest and best job known to mankind. Johnny Vegas was also serving behind the bar, or at least it looked like him.

We'd arrived early doors in time for plenty of beer. After a brief flirtation with some serious topical chat - Obama being sworn in/economic downturn/who's your favourite in Girls Aloud - we settled down and discussed some rather more pertinent issues, namely, could we name all the previous captains in a Question of Sport. Better than work eh!?


By now most of you will know the Lewes FC Story. Just briefly then for the uninitiated; manager (King) takes team from Ryman Division One South to Blue Square Premier in just five seasons, gets rewarded with the sack, all players leave aside from one, personalities clash, fans are outraged, inexperienced manager comes in along with new team of inferior players, money is scarce, club bar is run down, no battery in scoreboard, investment needed along with points. It's a circus but the excitement is intense (in tents) - do you get it!? 'it's a circus but the excitement is in tents'...(move on - Ed).

The match itself (finally - Ed again) was very much in keeping with Lewes's season. It was completely chaotic and actually tremendous fun to watch. It rained goals from start to finish. Havant and Waterlooville - I'll get bored of keep typing that out soon, shall we call them H&W from now on!? - raced to a 3-1 lead at half time. Half time was the queue for us to rush back to the clubhouse to sink another beer in one of their "plastic drinking vessels". The Merseyside derby was on the big screen but nobody appeared to give a rats. Nice. We liked that.

Incredibly, Lewes pulled it back to 3-3. The equalising goal seemed to defy the laws of physics but had Cynical Dave, Big Deaks and I running the full length of the terrace in cartwheels of delight like a loose bunch of headless chickens. Is there anything finer in life than being able to run around a terrace when your teams scores!? Simply splendid.

Then the Lewes keeper (Rikki Banks) had a moment to forget for which he will forever be remembered thanks to an EFW headline. It's not been a great few weeks for banks in general and now it was the time for Lewes's very own Bank to collapse. In soggy conditions he inexplicably tried to dribble the ball out of his own area - ran into ex-Lewes goal machine Paul Booth in the process - who casually relieved him of the ball and walked it towards the empty net before smashing it in. 4-3 to H&W and their fans could not believe their luck.

H&W gaffer Charlie Oatway pretends not to notice the three (three!) floodlights.

Under Fire! Lewes management team Keehan and Graves look on in mild disgust.

To be fair to the H&W fans, they were in tremendous voice throughout the match. Although few in number, you don't need to try that hard in Westleigh Park to create a good din. The ground lends itself to atmosphere. Their fans also have an obsession with 'scotch eggs' and 'Showaddywaddy'. What's not to like!? Good luck to them.

After the match we headed back to Havant station and decided to pop into the adjacent Star public house. Oh my God! Have you ever seen the programme 'Britain's Toughest Pubs'!? If this pub hasn't already featured in it then it will do shortly. The music was pumping out so loudly we literally couldn't hear each other talk. There was six (let's call them) 'characters' sitting at the bar. Next door there was a darts league match going on with more 'characters'. The pub gets a rating of 1.7 out of 10 on the beer in the evening website. It may be perceived as being rough but we shall be going back. It had four (four!) dart boards in it and there is nothing wrong with a pub with a bit of 'character' is there!?

Talking of darts (nice - Ed), I have now visited 179 football grounds. I calculate that the next one will be 180 or should that be 'one huuuuuuundred and eeeeiiiiiiggghhty'!? So where to go for that illusive 180th ground!? Well, there is only place surely - Dartford FC whose nickname is The Darts. So on the 31st January, Cynical Dave and I are heading to the aforementioned Dartford for their local derby with Maidstone. That my friends is entertainment. See you there.